And here’s the thing: Even though I survived the plastic potty years, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember thinking that we’d never ever get my son to pee and aim at the same time. I remember wondering if my daughters maybe just liked walking around with soggy bottoms. And no one escapes the thought, “Is he doing the pee-pee dance or is that just regular toddler dancing?”
You’ll think some interesting things, too, while waiting for your kid to make tinkle and earn himself a few M&Ms. But you’re not the only one. Here’s what some of the funniest moms on the Internet have thought during the potty-training process.
1. “Well, I guess he’ll learn how to change his own diapers in college.” — Courtney Fitzgerald, Our Small Moments
2. “He won’t wear diapers to college. But what about middle school?” —Amanda Rodriguez, Dude Mom
3. “What if she never learns to use the potty and becomes the president and the Joint Chiefs call her President Poopy Pants behind her back?” — E. R. Catalano, Zoe vs. The Universe
4. “Now I understand why some people put a TV in their bathroom. I’m pretty sure this is the room I’m living in now.” — Kim Bongiorno, Let Me Start By Saying
5. “This potty-training book is broken.” — Suzanne Fleet, Toulouse and Tonic
6. “Do I smell something?” — Jennifer Lizza, Outsmarted Mommy
7. “I am now a professional wiper.” — Julianna W. Miner, Rants from Mommyland
8. “How can I be expected not to dry-heave when I clean the poops out of the potty?” — Julia Arnold, Frantic Mama
9. “I deserve a piece of chocolate every time he poops, too. Or a glass of wine. Or both.” — Elly Lonon, Buggin’ Word
10. “Teaching a boy to take aim is easy, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to eat Cheerios again.” — Deborah Goldstein, Peaches & Coconuts
11. “Undies as a hat. Not what I expected when I asked if she wanted to wear big girl panties today.” — Jessica Cobb, Domestic Pirate
12. “I’ve already successfully potty trained two kids. I should feel like an expert this time. It’s funny though, I feel more like a survivor.” — Susan McLean, No Domestic Diva
13. “I quit my job for this. This is my life.” — Peyton Price, Suburban Haiku
Don’t quit. Just 578 more tries and this kid will go on the potty once. And then pee on the floor of your mother-in-law’s foyer. But then? Then things will get better. He’ll get the hang of it. I promise.