In my daydreams of having kids, I never had a gender preference. Most of the people I know imagined playing ball with their son or rocking their baby girl in a pretty pink nursery, but not me. I figured I’d just take what I could get, and hope for the best. Now that I have a boy and a girl, I can confidently say that each is as wonderful and annoying as the other, so you can’t go wrong either way! Hooray for equality!
Over and over again my son and daughter have made me laugh ’til it hurt, forced me to question how such small humans can be so largely weird, and proved that gender stereotypes are pretty useless. Not only have I been thoroughly educated on Minecraft by both of them, I’ve also learned a lot of other stuff. Here’s just a sampling:
1. She’ll fill her frilly pink baby stroller with her brother’s dirtiest Hot Wheels cars.
2. He’ll have badass light-up truck-themed boots, but you’ll still find him walking around the kitchen in your red peep-toe heels.
3. It doesn’t matter how different their names or ages or faces or genders are: You will call them by the others’ names every day of their lives.
4. The cutsie bootsie widdle tushie of your tiny daughter creates the same arm-sized man logs of poop as your big, stinky teenaged son.
5. Girls can be just as gross and destructive as boys.
6. Boys can be just as sweet and creative as girls.
7. How to clothes shop like Switzerland, ensuring the hand-me-downs that run through your family are neutral enough for all your kids to enjoy.
8. No matter what gender-specific toys are littered about the house, they’ll still prefer to play with common household goods, instead.
9. Both boys and girls cannot stop laughing as soon as they hear the words “boobs” and “balls.”
10. An alarming amount of comfort with saying things like, “Get your vulva off the throw pillows and get that sock off your penis” all in one breath.
11. That you’ll say “boys/girls can do anything girls/boys can do” one bajillion times. Most often you’ll say it to people who are not your kids.
12. The exact day you threw the breaks on them bathing together because it suddenly dawned on you that it’s about to get weird for everyone involved.
13. Girls and boys both love to pretend they’re pregnant, and it’s equally horrifying to behold.
14. Boys and girls accidentally murder their beloved betta fish at the exact same rate.
15. That neon pink is not solely a girl color. Duh.
16. That navy blue is not solely a boy color. Double duh.
17. You can’t always blame the boy for the pungent pool of pee on the bathroom floor.
18. You can’t always blame the girl for the rainbow vomit splatter of glitter on the dining room curtains.
19. How hard it is to keep a straight face while teaching your kids to use words like vagina and penis instead of mychina and weiner.
20. Strangers will say, “It’s so nice you had one of each! That’s perfect!” and you will want to beat them over the head with a sock filled with Squinkies because your third child and their all-one-gender kids are standing right next to them.
21. Farts are universally hilarious.
More Mom Confessions:
- VIDEOS: Things Only Moms Know
- 8 Truths About Why I Seem to Love My Second Child More Than My First
- 25 Reasons Why My Kid Can’t Stay Home Alone