After a long day with the kids, nothing is sexier than seeing my spouse walk in the door and do fatherly things like let the kids hang off him like primates. I mean, I would never let the kids hang on me like that for fun. He’s obviously out of his mind, but no matter — flock to him, children, and leave Mommy alone.

Dads are awesome because they do things like wrestle, carry kids upside down by their ankles, and sprinkle sugary cereal with more sugar. They buy full-fat everything: snack cakes, hot fudge sundaes, marbled slabs of beef, and beer. So much beer. My dad used to buy chocolate milk and jelly-filled doughnuts from the gas station every morning on our way to school, and I made that my breakfast as we drove, with Classic Rock blasting. It was awesome. But I doubt my mother would have thought so.

When my husband does the grocery shopping, our kids rejoice; he brings home things that I would never buy, like Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts and everything he can get his hands on that contains Red dye #40. It would kind of piss me off, except that when he’s home it doesn’t matter if the kids get hyper from a sugar high — they attack their dad with pillows (or light sabers), and I sneak off with a good book.

I’m boring. I’m predictable. I’m Mom, steamer of broccoli and enforcer of tooth brushing. Dad is the fun, hairy one who doesn’t care as much about hygiene. I’ve accepted our roles, and over the years, have even learned to embrace them. He makes up for getting to be the “fun” parent by unloading the dishwasher without being asked, letting me sleep in on the weekends, and bringing me coffee in bed. Coffee is my love language, and few things turn me on faster than hearing the sound of dishes clinking in the kitchen late at night knowing that someone else is washing them … and that “someone else” is about to get lucky.

So, in honor of Father’s Day, here are some fun ways to let our parnters know how much we appreciate them today (and let’s be honest — every day!).

Smokin Dad Bod

You are living proof that the “dad bod” is sexy, and I’m not just saying that because I don’t remember what you looked like 10 years ago when kids weren’t even on our radar. I love your furry familiarity. I love watching your brown hair turn gray and the crinkles deepen around your eyes. Fatherhood looks good on you.

Roses

I could write poetry for you, but let’s face it, you don’t really like poetry; also, whatever I came up with would probably be too emotional for your taste. So, I’ll just boil it down to two simple words: YOU ROCK. You figuratively rock because you go buy me wine at 9 p.m., and you literally rock because you took over baby duty for me so I could take a bath.

DNA

Which brings me to my next point … our DNA. Our kids drive me crazy, but knowing that they carry half of your genetic makeup makes their behavior endearing. Sometimes. Depending on what’s happening.

Bun in oven

You made me a mother, which is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. Even though I feel like a beached whale, I really do appreciate your participation. Since I am now responsible to do the rest (at least until the baby gets here!), you can rub my feet. Yes, even though it’s Father’s Day. I have no shame.

sUPERGLUE

Superglue can pretty much do anything, as we have learned over the course of several years. You’ve repaired everything from action figures to full-sized furniture with superglue, much to my amazement. You’re a man of many talents. TAKE THAT, PINTEREST.

Blow

It’s your day, and that means that I am going to make sure all of your wildest dreams come true … within reason. Ahem.

More for Father’s Day: