Crazy Sh*t People Say When You’re Expecting Multiples

fourplusanangel

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I had no idea that being pregnant with triplets gave the world permission to ask me anything they wanted about my quickly expanding belly and the events that led to me wandering around with three people in my stomach. But, apparently it did — and people (even complete strangers) didn’t hesitate to ask whatever they wanted to. It was so bizarre!

Here are some of the jaw-dropping Qs I received. Add the crazy things you’ve heard to the comments section.

1. Were they planned? Would you want to explain to a group of strangers whether you had spontaneous sex or laid on a hospital bed while a doctor inserted sperm into your lady parts? Neither do I. If you have a burning desire to know how multiples are conceived you might have to think about just what you’re asking someone else to share — and how you’d feel if someone asked you about your baby-making techniques.

2. How did you end up with three in there? Do I owe you an explanation for whether the sperm fertilized three eggs or one or two that then split to become identical? NOPE. If you have more than one baby fighting for space under your ribs people want to know. My least favorite was the cashier who asked if we told the doctor to “stick three in there” in front of a group of my coworkers.

3. Did you guys do IVF? How much does it cost? Again about the baby-making process but now our financial state is in question, as well. The only time these questions don’t bother me is when they’re coming from another couple struggling with infertility. If the information is helpful I’m happy to share; if it’s to satisfy your curiosity you’re going to have to keep on wondering if my new kids are on my credit card.

4. Are they paternal? Umm, what? You probably mean fraternal but if you want to know if they’re going to be great dads someday then it’s going to depend on their sex and we’re going to have to wait a few years to find out what kind of parents they’ll be…

5. You should just pass them out. Give out two and keep one for you. So we’ve all had days where we wouldn’t mind if a kid or two were taken off our hands by a magical nanny, but telling a hormonal pregnant woman she should give away one or more of her kids is a recipe for disaster.

6. Wow, sorry about that. Did you really just say you’re sorry about the kids in my belly? I get that this is an attempt at humor but let’s universally agree that it’s not funny and promise to stop saying it.

7. Are they identical? Okay so this question is fine IF someone is having two boys or two girls but just to clarify for anyone who slept through biology– a boy and a girl cannot be identical.

8. Are they going to be small? Let me whip out my crystal ball and give us both an answer to this one because I have no idea!

9. Enjoy the rest while you can. When your stomach is expanding at two to three times the rate of a typical pregnant belly there really is no rest. I was on hospital bed rest, not even allowed to sit upright, and people still told me to enjoy it. There’s nothing enjoyable about hoping your babies aren’t born extremely premature.

10. You’re having triplets?! I’d shoot myself. This was by far the worst comment I received during my pregnancy and it was said in front of my eldest daughter! Being pregnant with multiples can be a crazy, stressful ride and the last thing a pregnant woman struggling to stay optimistic needs to hear is that her situation would make someone else suicidal.

Photo: Getty