As those who read my personal blog know, I'm getting a divorce.
Now, stop. Don't get get upset. This is a good thing. Really.
My future ex husband is a good guy. He's just going through some things and needs to go through them alone. Which leaves me in the process of "finding myself".
I used to hate that phrase. "Hello? Where ever you go there you are. How can you lose yourself?" I'd scoff, rolling my eyes.
I was obviously young, unmarried, and had no children.
As anyone who has gone through a divorce knows, it's never really sudden. There are usually rumblings of unhappiness for years before the final decision is made. When it's made, you find yourself cast adrift. You're no longer the woman you were before a husband and kids, yet you're not who you were during the final years of the marriage either. You suddenly look in the mirror and say, "Where am I?"
Let's be honest for a minute. Just for a minute.
We start to lose ourselves the moment we hold that tiny little baby in our arms for the first time. Who couldn't get lost in those unblinking eyes? Who wouldn't give their heart and soul to that bundle of sweet smelling love?
Between being a wife and being a mother, the person we are – the woman who likes to sing karaoke, do crossword puzzles, tell dirty jokes – starts to fade into the background. It's only when something shakes us out of the routine that we start to realize that we've lost ourselves.
Fortunately, there's MapQuest.
A week ago, the kids and I were sent to look at a house. My ex is selling his place and, honestly, we need something a bit smaller. He sent me an email with a lead on a house. I entered the address into MapQuest and set off with the kids. We found the house, a big tree shading the front porch. I got them out of their car seats and walked into the tiny living room. As they ran between the two bedrooms and out the back door into the yard, I realized I'd found myself. Or, at least, where I need to be.
As for the Ginger Snaps? They're excited about moving. They'll be closer to their dad and grandparents and, in the words of my son, "We're going to get to decorate a whole new house!"
I have a feeling Star Wars will play a large part in our home decor.